Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My Soul In Prison Part 2

My soul is distressed, far from God it can offer no praise, left alone to fend for itself. emotionless, nothing stirs within; it has lain dormant since that awful day when I became less than a common street whore. Daughter of the king I hide myself in shame and disgrace, never leaving my home, my forced prison, imposed by my own brother Amnon who was not able to love me as a sister. I begged him “don't, my brother, please don't force me, such a thing should not be done in Israel, don't do this wicked thing, think about me, where could I get rid of my disgrace? I would have married him, which would have been better than this prison I now find myself. “And what about you, you would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you." But he refused to listen to me, and since he was stronger than me, he raped me and after he raped me he hated me with an intense hatred. In fact, he hated me more than he had loved me. Amnon said to me, "Get up and get out!" "No!" I said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me." But he refused to listen to me. He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." So his servant put me out and bolted the door after me. I was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. I put ashes on my head and tore the ornamented robe; I put my hand on my head and went away, weeping aloud. My brother Absalom said to me, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And I lived in my brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:1-20) Tamar is my name and that’s my story. Absalom left my soul in prison and my life became ineffective and worthless in my eyes. The soul can offer little especially when it is hurting, feeling safer hidden behind a wall of mistrust, doubt, guilt and too ashamed to call on God who is able to bring relief.

My name is Dinah and I know first hand life can be difficult, hard to trust anyone. In fact life itself can be a prison especially for a young woman; it is not safe in this world of evil men. All I did was take a walk to see some of the other women in the land, When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw me, he decided he wanted me and did not take no for an answer, he found me unworthy of the marriage bed until it was too late. Little does he know, not only did he rape my body but my soul, my spirit and my heart, all now held prisoner. Unfortunately, I can’t turn back the hands of time, I can’t re think my decision, and so I will live in this prison until God delivers me from this place of sadness, hopelessness, and fear no man will ever want me, spoil for any righteous upstanding man. Oh how my soul aches for refuge, for a hiding place from this feeling of worthlessness. Genesis 34:1-2

I have no name, that in it self is a prison, not being called by your name only the woman caught in adultery. Like one of my ancient sisters Leah I lived in the prison of the unloved. Before I share my story let me briefly shares Leah’s. She found herself married to a man who didn’t love her and she spent most of her life trying to gain his love. Regrettably for Leah he was married to her sister whom he loved. In spite of her best efforts giving him 7 children it did not increase his love for her. Leah spent her life in the prison of the unloved by her earthly husband.
I couldn’t stand my prison so I sinned with a man who was not mine and I was caught. Though those who caught me were much more interested in trapping Jesus than my actual crime I was a great pawn for them. Little did they know by taking me to Jesus they would free my soul from the prison I had placed myself. Women in my time were taught from a very early age a man was what gave us value. When you were not blessed to find one to provide the love you desire you tend to seek this love else where. I was seeking value, wholeness and love in the wrong place it may be strange to say but at the right time for on this day my sin led me to freedom. Jesus set me free with His love and forgiveness; He made me stand proud in front of my accusers, judge and jury. They had condemned me to death, Jesus condemned me to live outside of the prison I had created. After that fateful day my prison walls were knocked down never to be erected again in this area.

When we find ourselves in prison, which can be for varied reasons, sometimes we put ourselves in prison, the enemy leads us their by his ungodly attacks and yes even God will place us in prison, remember Joseph who was blessed while in prison. We do not have to stay imprisoned, we can move the walls by trusting and obeying God, giving our issues to the Him as Leah gave hers and was blessed with children to love her. We must examine why we are in prison, do we need to grow in an area, is God preparing us, have we fail to repent from a sin, or are we being disciplined. Scrutinize your prison for it could possibly be a good thing. People leave prison changed, Joseph was promoted, After Paul and Silas came out of the prison, they went to Lydia's house, where they met with the brothers and encouraged them. God may use you in to future to be a source of encouragement to someone else in a prison season. Bring my soul out of prison, Your people will form a circle around me and you'll bring me showers of blessing!" (Psalm 142:7 NIV, The Message)

Father sometimes my soul is in a prison, be with me and guide me out. When I am placed their by Your hand please help me to see you and know Your will for my life. When placed there by the enemy deliver me quickly, I will praise Your Holy Name and the mighty works of Your hands. When place there of my own creation again deliver me quickly, my lips shall magnify thy Name and my hands will be lifted in worship to You my Savior. In Jesus Name, Amen

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